Trans Experiences at BMHS: Part two of a seven part series on transgender voices

By Nicolaj Arroyo

Arts & Entertainment Editor

November 2021

In the second installment of this series, I will be focusing on the experiences of non-binary students. The struggles of all trans people are arduous, but especially when the Western idea of binary gender is not adhered to religiously. The concept of gender as a spectrum, of “man” and “woman” not being the only two options for gender (or even existing in the first place) has existed since the idea of gender was born. High school is not exactly the most nurturing of places to come out as being non-binary, so my scope was limited in where I could look to find trans people. However, I was fortunate enough to get in contact with a trans student by the name of Ven.

I’ll be asking you some questions about your treatment as a trans person, but first I want to know just who you are. Are you a binary or non-binary trans person, or do you prefer not to be described in either way?

Nonbinary! I view myself as not really male or female, or even a mix of them. I'm kinda just...me. My gender is an experience, and I don't feel like it fits within the binary, nor do I want to be perceived as such.

Awesome! Then my questions will be more geared towards your experience as a non-binary student. Let’s start with bathrooms. As a nonbinary trans man, it’s hard enough to use the bathrooms even when I play the gender game by the administration’s rules. How is it for you? Are you allowed to use a gender neutral bathroom?

Actually, I haven't really asked whether there was another bathroom to use. I just use the women's bathroom, since I’m AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) and don't 'pass'* as anything else. I also feel much safer than I would in the men's room. It's kinda uncomfortable, considering I'm not a woman, and I always feel at least a little out of place, but (as of right now) I just suck it up for the sake of convenience. Honestly, I might see if they'd let me though. Not only would it make me feel better in terms of dysphoria, but it would honestly make my other issues a lot easier to deal with.

So as far as restrooms go, you use the women's room out of necessity and safety. If there were more accessible gender-neutral bathrooms, for example, a gender neutral student bathroom on each floor, would you use them?

If there were more accessible gender neutral bathrooms, I most definitely would use them. I'm lucky to not have a huge amount of dysphoria, so I'll probably just deal with it until society stops being so slow, but it would make me feel so much more comfortable not to have to feel out of place when I'm just trying to use the bathroom.

Now onto staff and student treatment. How are staff at respecting who you are? How are students at respecting who you are?

The staff have actually been pretty good! No one has dead-named me yet, and all my teachers are using the correct pronouns, which is definitely nice. I emailed them all before the school year even started to avoid the hassle, which ended up working pretty well. Teachers who don't know always call me 'she' though, so I think it would be nice if staff (and students as well) would work on not assuming, and students have been alright. They're using my name, which is definitely nice, but most people don't use my pronouns. To be fair I rarely correct people, but even the people I have corrected don't really use ‘they/them’ (I’m literally so scared of correcting people, it's so sad)

So you usually don't correct students? Why?

To put it simply, I'm scared of their reactions. The first time I ever worked up the courage to correct someone, they said, "It's just so hard to remember so I’m just gonna keep calling you she”. Honestly, that kinda just shattered any ounce of confidence I had. It made me feel kinda helpless, I was just like, "oh.. that's not what I wanted." I'm scared other people will react that way too, or ask tons of questions I'm not comfortable answering. I’m pretty open to questions about my gender, but cis people can be so oblivious sometimes, even if they don't mean any harm

Let's talk about sexual health. Have any health classes or programs offered in school ever covered non-binary sexual health, or non-binary health in general?

There has been literally nothing. It's kinda sad to be honest. Last year, one of my friends had to teach the health teacher what AFAB and AMAB meant. The teacher tried to include trans people, but they just had no idea what they were talking about. (Not in a mean way! They were trying, they just didn't understand.). Even just a "Hey, trans people exist !", is much more than any other health class I've ever taken, which is honestly really sad. I’ve never seen nonbinary people be so much as mentioned though. The amount of unnecessarily gendered language that the health curriculum includes makes me feel icky.

What would you improve upon within the school health curriculum in terms of educating on trans and nonbinary health and sexual education?

I really wish they would teach students about how they can be respectful of their trans peers. So many people ask invasive questions or make invalidating remarks without even realizing that what they're saying is disrespectful. It's cis people's responsibility to educate themselves, so school should be giving students the resources to do that. I think it would be nice if they taught about gender dysphoria too. Lots of people mistake dysphoria for general self-consciousness, and I think schools should teach students about dysphoria so they can more easily recognize it in themselves. And medical transition options would be a nice thing to teach as well. A lot of trans people I've spoken to aren't aware of their options in terms of medical transition.

How has inclusion been for you here at Beloit Memorial? Have you been acknowledged and respected as being non-binary?

The world, especially in high school, is very binary-centered, binary-dependent even. I'd say it's been alright. People do use my name, which is definitely nice, but no one ever uses my pronouns. Personally, the wrong pronouns make me much more dysphoric than the wrong name, so it's really frustrating that people always assume. Even when I correct people, most people still don't even try.

Has there been any experience you've had where you have been discriminated against for being non-binary?

I can't recall any experience where I've been specifically targeted. I do feel like unnecessary use of gendered language can be discriminatory though. It makes me feel uncomfortable and excluded when people address groups as 'ladies and gentlemen,' 'boys and girls,' etc. or assume things just by looking at me.

How has your gender affected your ability to participate in the activities or sports you would like to?

I don't really play sports or anything.

As for interpersonal relationships, how have crushes, romance, or sexual connections been with other people?

I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive partner! They're not cis* either so that definitely makes things easier.

Are you satisfied with your treatment at BMHS? If not, what would you change to make life better for the trans people that come after us?

I do not feel that I get treated terribly, but I'm definitely not satisfied either. I think teachers need to be educated on what can be done to help their trans students feel more comfortable at school. Most teachers (in my experience) use people's chosen names, but pronouns seem to be an issue. I get so excited when teachers address me with the correct pronouns, but that should be the bare minimum. A lot of trans students already deal with getting misgendered by their peers, so the least teachers can do is use the correct pronouns.

*Transgender refers to people who identify with a different gender than the one assigned to them at birth.

**Cisgender refers to people who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.