Texan Rebellion: The Last Frontier

By Kassidy Thomas

News Feature Editor

April 2022

Texas has been hitting the headlines a lot lately. It recently came about that they had separated from the United States and became their own country. Texas is the epitome of southern bigotry, the Oxford Dictionary definition of “hick”. This makes you wonder how advanced Texas really is. With their racist baby book-loving Senator-turned-Emperor, Ted Cruz, they really just look repulsive to the rest of the world.

While becoming their own country, it seems as though they are struggling a bit. They have found that it’s much harder to control women with their much desired small government than they thought. Many protests have occurred in their capital, yet they have done nothing to stop them. It makes you wonder what country Texas really is. Are they just a figment of our imagination? A sick joke gone wrong? Or a doomed underdeveloped country unwilling to admit they made a mistake?

The dreams of buying a McMansion for the price of a studio apartment in New York City are now gone. Texas is finally having to implement more taxes so that they can actually provide decent infrastructure for citizens living within it. No longer can celebrities move easily from California to start their pioneer dreams on the ranches.

In all reality, Texas has been predicted to fall into anarchy within its first year of independence. It is just too Texan for Texans to handle.