"My House, My Rules": How parents unintentionally invalidate their children

By Passion Tann

Co-Managing Editor

November 2021

Adults in the workforce often complain about their bosses being rude and unappreciative, saying that they get no respect and are made to feel unimportant. On the same day, however, some of these adults will go home to their children and act the same way.

Anyone who is thrown into a new environment will need guidance. This applies to jobs, school, and life in general. That is why children are supposed to have parents to guide them. A parents’ job is to raise competent, sustaining people, capable of successfully living on their own when they become adults. For this reason, children and teens are almost always better off listening to the judgement of their parents, barring extreme cases of abuse.

However, some parents take their role too far, and staunch any signs of their children gaining independence from them, whether that be through their thoughts or actions. When they feel challenged or their authority is questioned, “my house, my rules” is a common retort to the perceived disrespect.

This motto has governed many households for far too long, implying to children that their opinions and feelings don't matter. This saying is damaging and counter productive, as it only angers the child who is desperately trying to be heard, drives them to hide practices that could be to them, and in some cases only emboldens their behavior out of spite.

Yes, children are inexperienced and don't always know what is right or wrong, However, there is a better way for parents to handle being questioned than, in so many words, telling their children that their opinions, feelings, and ideas don't matter, or that they don't care.

Validate your child, make them feel loved and appreciated, and then make your decision. Showing your dependents that you care about them will only make them respect you more, and be more willing to do your bidding. Your children may not own your house, it is their home, and in their home they deserve to feel loved, welcomed, safe, and respected.